Humbling weekend

At this point I have been off work for 2 weeks now.  My days have been low key, balancing some activity with rest, trying to listen to my body...it's tough some days, tough some hours.  I am trying to listen to my body and rest when I need, trying to listen to all my symptoms (headaches, body fatigue, nausea, pounding and ringing ears). I am trying Stop REST pace as best I can. It's hard...I am a get things done, go go person.  It's weird to see things that need to be done in the house and not do them. It's also weird to do things when I am off sick, feeling guilty about an adventure out to a store or to see a friend....

The time off work has definitely been helpful. I have more to give to my family when they get home and I am not crashing hard by 730-8pm...although bed time is still close to then :)

This weekend....was a humbling experience for me and to be honest a bit shocking.  Shocking in that what tired me is way less than what I did when working, yet I got through the day, maybe that' s the issue..I managed, pushed through, but not well.

This weekend was a lot of fun with my family.  Pre Halloween treat walk with the boys, one hockey practice, one hockey game and then a birthday party.  Yes...the latter 3 I got to sit and watch, but by half way through practice...I was beat....legs were weak, head was foggy....I did push through but felt it later and needed a nap.  If I am honest I had a good cry too....normally(pre COVID) that walk would have been a leisurely jaunt, I would have been up before and have worked out for 40 minutes.  I wouldn't have had to say no to playing hockey outside after the party for a nap.

I am not whining, as I am grateful I am doing as well as I am...but I would lie if I didn't admit my frustration, and poor me moments..they are there and they are real. I look forward to the day I can get back to even 60% of my pre COVID energy and drive..I am not giving up...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Accepting help...

Many think since I am off, I must be getting SO much done....sadly no.    When I do have energy I use it to focus on some self care and to get some things done that I normally used to do after 8pm :).  When working things like laundry, paying bills either fell through the cracks or I had to force myself to stay up later and then paid for it later with PEM. I don't mind asking for help typically. I think what's been hard to ask or accept help this time has been that these are things I could do, that I want to do, that ..... My parents have been asking what they could do....  I finally accepted some help with outdoor work.  It feels wrong that my parents were cutting back things, pulling weeds, and cleaning up the outside while I did a bit.  That day I puttered and probably did too much but it felt so weird not to help, not to do very basic thing I could do before.  The guilt is all mine, not from my parents.  They wanted help, offered to help....I ...
Read more

Am I crazy?:) Don't answer that:)

 Some days I think I am going crazy, I wonder how can I feel better yet worse than I was working? How can a morning of tai chi, virutal appointments and watching TV tire me out.  I just went for a short walk to pick up a game at the local library....like 15 minutes round trip and I am tired...like whole body, breathing hard, head pounding and ears ringing with my eyes closed tired.  Some say I am just deconditioned and I probably am...but it's more than that.  I push to what I can but if I over do it (like I may have the past few days/ evenings) I pay for it. How was I working for 7 months like this?? Great question...I was "managing", I was "surviving" but barely. I would get through the day by having an energy drink (that I used to use pre workout) to give me a boost to start, I would get scalp acupuncture from colleagues to help with my brain fog and headaches and fatigue.  I wouldn't go for walks at lunch, or get up and workout in the am like I did befor...
Read more

Post Exertional Malaise (PEM)

Image
 It's been a busy-ish couple of days both emotionally and physically.   Therapy sessions one day, riding a golf cart another, kids home, sick kid, hockey.  These weren't all in one day but spread out over 4 or 5.  A few naps, a few not great sleeps....trying to pace, sometime successfully, sometimes not. I am sitting outside in the sun watching the boys play hockey, wishing I could join them.  Someone walking by would think I am all good, maybe lazy and on my computer.  Really, I am tired, my hands and insides feel shaky, head is pounding, stomach is upset.  If I close my eyes, I spin.  I need to lie down soon.  I have over done it.     I am experiencing PEM or post exertional malaise.  This is common with long haulers....   PEM is defined by the CDC as:  Post-exertional malaise (PEM) is the worsening of symptoms following even minor physical or mental exertion, with symptoms typically worsening 12 to 4...
Read more