Am I crazy?:) Don't answer that:)

 Some days I think I am going crazy, I wonder how can I feel better yet worse than I was working? How can a morning of tai chi, virutal appointments and watching TV tire me out.  I just went for a short walk to pick up a game at the local library....like 15 minutes round trip and I am tired...like whole body, breathing hard, head pounding and ears ringing with my eyes closed tired.  Some say I am just deconditioned and I probably am...but it's more than that.  I push to what I can but if I over do it (like I may have the past few days/ evenings) I pay for it.


How was I working for 7 months like this?? Great question...I was "managing", I was "surviving" but barely. I would get through the day by having an energy drink (that I used to use pre workout) to give me a boost to start, I would get scalp acupuncture from colleagues to help with my brain fog and headaches and fatigue.  I wouldn't go for walks at lunch, or get up and workout in the am like I did before COVID.  I would go to bed and crash at 8, after likely snapping at my kiddos and husband.

Don't get me wrong,  it wasn't like that the whole 7 months, it's cyclical these symptoms but I don't think I was ever more than 40% my premorbid energy.  The most activity I could do (in addition to my already physical, mental and emotional job) was some low impact exercise.  If I did too much, another relapse and PEM (post exertional malaise would ensue)

So, why, now , home, not working do I not really feel better?  It's the disease, its uncertainty and variable presentation.  Yes, I am not as grumpy and I don't crash as hard...but my body is still rebounding from hitting quite a low.....and who knows can it rebound??? I hope so...I keep reading up on what I can, learning what I can...pushing but resting, resting but pushing...  I often feel like I am spinning in circles. Is it all in my head?? I don't think so....but I know some think it is. 

My head is still spinning...but it's time for a nap before the family is home.


I apologize if my posts are all over the place. I plan to catch up about my history a bit, what I have tried, not tried....but honestly I am using this as a way to get my feelings out and document where I am at.

Please feel free to comment, ask questions, etc..helps me think of what to write about.

Stay strong


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